YOUR EGO IS NOT THE PROBLEM

The ego sees what’s wrong with someone, the heart sees the best in everyone. The ego says me, me, me. The heart says you, us, we . – Deepak Chopra

One of the first terms that I stumbled upon on this journey of awakening was this very popular term named “the ego”.  It’s a buzz word in many spiritual circles.  I always thought the ego was just a psychological term used to describe an arrogant person.  What is arrogant anyway?  Depends on who you ask I suppose.

From a spiritual perspective, the ego is more than a one dimensional definition.  From our human perspective, it is used to describe our self-image versus our true image (our soul).  An untamed fear based ego can lead to a life filled with anxiety, fear, and separation from love. But, an ego that has been brought to the light through awareness can be tamed.

Here is the beautiful takeaway from this blog, we are spirit and we are human.  The spirit in us is limitless, loving, creative and completely aware of the light.  The human in us sometimes separates from our limitless spirit and often times separates from love.  Built into our human experience is the ego.  The ego is not your enemy.  You cannot wish it away, nor should you hate it.  That just makes it more powerful.  Our egos have been fed by experiences accumulated throughout our years on this earth from the time we were little souls, some of which have created limiting beliefs, fear and separation.  As children, we do not have the awareness to discern if something we are being taught is loving or fearful.  We are sponges and we pick up everything around us.  All of those experiences accumulate in our subconscious mind and create a self image, most of the time unconsciously.  Those impressions cause us to behave a certain way and think a certain way.  As we grow older, if we are not guided, or if we are completely asleep, we are simply allowing the ego to run the show.  In some cases, we drift farther and farther apart from love.

Our ego also projects our sense of self, the personality traits that separate us from one another.  The latter description is not the topic on which I want to focus because individuality should be celebrated.  We are all different expressions of the divine.  But, when we use our individuality and uniqueness to separate ourselves from love, and from each other, that is when the ego becomes a barrier to love.  The only way to bring those unconscious unloving patterns to the light is to become an observer of your world.  The focus of this blog is the fear based ego.

When I began my journey of remembering that love is our only life force, I naively thought that I would be able to break up with my ego and just live in the light all the time.  Thankfully, I had a pretty fantastic coach who laughed with me about this silly idea. The great New York psychic Betsy Cohen gently reminded me that we all need our egos to “get out of bed in the morning and live”, otherwise we would stare into space all day and just smile”.

Check.

I followed with, “So, when will we get rid of the ego?”  She lovingly replied, “when we die”.

Check.

You can easily see that in our world today, there are many among us who have completely separated from love and only identify with the ego mind.  It can be challenging when we live in a culture that demands certain things from us in order to make money, to have shelter and to get what we want.  There is ranking, hierarchy and way too much power.  There is a collective order of how things, people and places are ranked.  Those with untamed egos truly believe in superiority, separation and grandiosity.  But on a smaller day to say scale, misuse of the ego can cause serious disruption in our lives.  When we judge, blame, compare, criticize, separate and condemn, we are essentially living from our fear based egos. We are far away from our soul, when we embody judgment, hate, comparison and separation. Click To Tweet

On the other side of the coin, we need our ego to a certain extent.  We just need to keep it healthy and in check.  I needed it to graduate from college and pursue a law degree.  I need it when I need to accomplish a goal because it motivates me. You just have to remember that when it comes to our soul’s expansion, our egos have limited perspective.  They are supposed to.  In some cases, we have conditioned our ego to keep us safe and protected.  Most of our egos are overactive and do not have any boundaries.  In some of us, the ego walks all over our life.  All we have to do is show it some love and gain perspective on why it exists, and use it wisely.  Gently show it who the boss is – your soul and your heart!  The ego was given to us for protection, an alert system of sorts, but in some cases we have allowed it to control our lives. And that is where it has become a dangerous companion.

In the words of Elizabeth Gilbert, “my ego comes with me but I do not allow it to drive”.  We need to acknowledge it and give it love.  Our ego will do anything to keep us in a comfort zone and essentially in fear of the unknown, but our soul craves the unknown, as it relates to our dreams and desires.  The ego’s hallmark is separation.  Separation from others and separation from love.

Sometimes our ego acts like a small child who is hurt, scared and afraid and who wants things done fast and now, and who will move quickly to get things done at whatever cost.

The fear based ego doesn’t embrace uncertainty.

The fear based ego doesn’t embrace change.

The fear based ego is synonymous with labels, masks, images, and judgments.

The fear based ego’s function is to keep us stuck, because it doesn’t know any better.  It is supposed to protect us.

Instead of fighting with it, condemning it and cursing it, we need to love it.  Yes, showing it anything other than love just feeds it more.

When we judge, compare, criticize, label and otherwise separate from love, you can be sure that the ego is driving your motives and intentions.  Most of the time the ego is using attack thoughts about ourselves that are really sending us into the rabbit hole.  In the moments where we feel the ego at its worst, I invite you to call in your soul, God or Universe and remember that the ego is just replaying an old film over and over again.  A film that was created many years ago after an accumulation of experiences that you encountered, some of which are buried in your subconscious.  We have given meaning to experiences in our lives that have caused us to adopt a limiting belief.  Those are illusions that no longer serve us.  A belief that probably stems from something someone said to us, or did to us, and we decided to hook onto that and make it true.   We decided to embrace a sentiment from a parent, teacher, friend, partner or anyone, that we weren’t good enough, and we decided to hold onto that and make it a reality, and it is now being carried around like baggage.

When the ego is trying to take us down, believe me there is another perspective that you can adopt from moment to moment, and it starts with forgiveness.

Forgiveness of self and forgiveness of others that helped you create these beliefs.  It starts with us accepting that there is a new way.  We must be willing to see the ego’s messages in a different light.

We must be willing to tap into our intuition and other conscious parts of us that will allow us to shed light on the ego.  While at the same time knowing that from time to time, the ego will show up, and that it is our responsibility to continue to love it.  Some days loving our ego will be easy, and other days, this will be a very difficult task.  Because sh**happens in life, but as long as you’re willing to change your mind about the ego’s limiting beliefs, then you’re halfway there.

As long as you’re willing to be gentle with yourself, you’re halfway there.

Remember that you decided to come to this beautiful planet to experience and expand.  We can get so much more from this experience than just the ego’s limits.

There’s always light and dark. Without darkness, you would not have a reference point for the light.  If you only lived in light all the time, how would you even know or recognize that the light is different from darkness.  The ego reminds us that there’s always another choice.  We can always make a choice that serves us – a more loving choice.  The ego is a teacher, and it reminds us of our beautiful divine light that we all carry, so the next time you want to condemn your ego or get frustrated, love it and re-train it.

Here are some tips for shedding some light on the ego the next time it grips you.

1. List your fears, worries or anxieties.
2. What is the ego trying to tell me?
3. Why do I believe this story to be true?
4. Where is love missing from this story?
5. How can I have more faith in my soul?
6. How can I see this from a loving perspective?
7. How can I turn this story around?
8. What do I need to write a better story?
9. How can I explore different perspectives
10. What have I learned from this experience?

 

May your life be filled with many miraculous shifts.

Christine