FORGIVENESS, THE OTHER “F” WORD

Everything will be built on this one divine act, because without it, none of us can truly be free.

It is very hard to DO, but walk with me, I will hold that space for you.

It is a lesson that repeats in everyone’s life and although I was so reluctant to actually DO it, I can now happily share my perspective on how it set me free and loosened the shackles because….

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You may say to me “what if I was really wronged”? Someone just ripped your heart out and stomped on your soul with no regard.  What if the pain and trauma is so unbearable that forgiveness is a foreign concept, one that you couldnever possibly apply.

I get it…I really do.  It is very complicated: so many feelings, so many memories, so many beliefs.

So, here is the thing, this is not a 5, 10 or 15 steps to forgiveness blog.  If you want that, there are plenty of blogs out there and they are all very valuable, but this one revelation here is an aha moment.  This here is forgiveness 101.  This one small but powerful realization unlocked my desire to go to those 10 or 15 steps, but before you get there, 

You may need to start here 

There has to be something that clicks inside of you that longs to forgive, otherwise you won’t, and if you are not ready that’s ok too, but start with this mantra until you are ready. 

I am willing to forgive – please show me how. – pray to your higher power – whatever that may mean to you.

And just wait…and wait…until you are ready to go deeper.

If you are ready now, keep reading.

I am very logical by nature and I get stuck in my head a lot!  If it weren’t for my daily practice of meditation (really just breathing for a few minutes, taking a bath or listening to relaxing music) I would be going in circles.

It’s quite comical how my head can really get carried away…sometimes I just laugh.

Back to the point…

You are not forgiving bad behavior; you are not accepting a violation of your boundaries; you are accepting that someone else’s ego has completely taken over and is causing all the damage, because someone’s soul would not do hurtful things to another fellow soul.  Our divine essence is one of love, not pain.

The day that I took my first step in my awakening process, I was learning about fear v. love.  I remember reading about how our infant selves come into this world with a pure soul still attached to the divine with no programming or awareness of external conditions.

The only thing our beautiful baby selves know is light and love

That is it!  Then depending on how our lives unfold, the trauma begins – big or small.  Your parents dump their programming on you, they divorce, they expect certain things from you, they unconsciously download their crap onto you – the good stuff too, but that is not the theme here.

Society dumps on you too.  You might get bullied. You may even get abused.

You become influenced by media, spouses, friends, schoolmates, teachers, religions…Your soul starts to get covered up and by the time you are a teenager you may be completely lost.  That divine attachment becomes a distant memory.

Or maybe nothing happens. Maybe your childhood was “normal” and there wasn’t much trauma.  Even still, there is programming that has been passed on to you.  BELIEVE ME.  All of your parents’ experiences and their parents’ experiences and so on..

I woke up one day not long ago and my soul felt heavy.  I have had my share of painful experiences and it was time to let go.  No more stories and no more replaying memories.

My aha moment came as I was writing in my journal and instinctively I knew that forgiveness was the lesson of the day.  It was the first practice that I learned. Before I could forgive anyone, I had to forgive myself.

AHA – That person or those people who have hurt me came into this world just like me pure and innocent but their souls have been shattered too.  I am the one who is awake and so the responsibility of forgiveness is now on me if I accept it.

I chose to wake up.  I can easily go back to sleep and continue to harbor resentment, but that was clearly not working. I decided in that moment to see all of those people who have hurt me as babies who grew up in pain, who experienced pain and who harbor great pain to this day.  Was I going to perpetuate the cycle of pain or be the catalyst that breaks through?

How could they possibly love me if they do not love themselves?  What did they endure that covered up all of their light?

So, in that moment I found a picture of my infant self and envisioned all those who have hurt me as infants.  Tears flowed, and flowed and flowed, and although I did not forgive immediately I started to understand and understanding is the first step to getting closer to love, to forgiveness.

For the first time I felt free.  I envisioned this every day for a long time until I was ready to move to the next step.  Forgiveness is a daily practice, but with willingness and dedication, it will serve you. Because forgiveness is for you and not for them!

I would love to hear your stories about forgiveness.

May your life be filled with many miraculous shifts.

Christine